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39 & Single

“There are no good men out there… Men are intimidated by strong, accomplished women… Nobody wants to meet in the regular way anymore... It’s all about Tinder or some online dating app and I just don’t do online dating”.

I’m no dating expert but I noticed something as I listened to my friend speak about still being single at 39 and wanting to get married by the age of 40. I had heard these comments before, and I’d even believed or agreed with some of them, but this time I listened without agreeing, giving advice, or sharing my view.

This time I was just curious… I noticed that not only did she have a series of perfectly good reasons why she will never get the very thing she desired; she had perfected the art of succinctly replaying them back whenever she was in conversation about her desires. And that’s when it became clear, she was living a “reported on life, not a created life!” - Rich Litvin And I’m just as guilty of this too! Let me explain... My desire has always been to help parents achieve peace of mind to know that they can parent confidently, create calm from chaos, discipline appropriately and raise children who love themselves and feel safe and confident enough to be who they truly are. But I too had a well rehearsed list of perfectly curated reasons why the very thing I desire would never come to be. “Nobody knows where or how to seek help with parentingParents rather hide their parenting insecurities than seek help… People rather pay to get quick returns than go through the discomfort of working on themselves. According to Rich, people rather live a ‘reported on life’, “The economy is tough… My boss is unfair…”, constantly reacting to life and complaining about it. But a much better approach is to live life as a creator, recognising your ability to respond to the circumstances you face. Ultimately we have a choice! You can believe the report that "children nowadays always backchat, are rude, or lazy... Boys will be boys... Girls are bitchy... Tantrums are inevitable... Teenage angst is a given... Or you can choose to change the narrative, take responsibility and create the life you want for your family

You can decide to:

  • Stop looking outwards at your kids and their behaviour for a moment and look inwards at yourself.

  • Challenge yourself by being more open to change.

  • Get out of your comfort zone and learn new ways to relate with your kids.

  • Ask yourself, what can I do about myself that can change the circumstance and create the desires I want?

Rooting for you, always - Ebiere Bolu


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